I actually wrote this blog around 2009 which is way older than the old blog screenshot above and this actually won a Christian blogging contest about relationships. Not sure what was their criteria back then though but all I can say is this mindset has protected me all throughout most of my life up until I became 40…Watch out for Part 2!!!
Yes, I belong to that group called NBSB or “No Boyfriend Since Birth” and I’m not ashamed of that. : ) Oftentimes, people ask me why and some have formed their own conclusions. It’s either I’m too idealistic to wait for that one great man who doesn’t exist or I’m such a teaser to keep the guys waiting without letting them in. Definitely, neither of the two! : )
“You need to be secure with the love of Christ before you can truly love someone”. This has been my guiding principle ever since I experienced God’s grace over my life. As an application, ONE HAS TO WAIT. But waiting entails a lot of struggles. Some who have waited for some time has suddenly swerved when the rubber meets the road. It could be influenced by a number of things so here I tried to list down what are some of the factors that keep us from waiting:
1. Time and Trust
Time is telling you you’re growing older and pressures from other people have come up to your sleeves already. Well, you’re not alone. There are a number of us and the best way to handle that is to stop counting “time” coz it’s immeasurable. Let’s start counting on God instead. It’s basically a trust issue. Can you trust that the God who willingly gave His one and only Son, can also give you a man for you to partner for life? You’ve waited this long, why compromise now? God can and will provide at the right time.
Take note! Right time! : ) So when do you know it’s time? Does it come with age? Let me share what I learned from a well-respected man. The moment you’re willing to be single for God is actually the very moment when God gives you your partner because it just simply means that you’ve already reached that height of satisfaction in Him and is now ready to go to the next level. As the saying goes “If you can’t be happy alone, you can’t be happy with someone”. There’s always a proper time for every matter.
“Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure” – Ecc. 8:5
2. Emotions
“You don’t understand. I loved him.”
Are you sure? Are you sure it’s love?! Or lust? Can you distinguish? Love is patient. Lust wants now. Love is gentle. Lust gets its own way. Love does not envy. Lust is filled with insecurity. Love does not boast. Lust compares. And the list goes on….
“You don’t understand coz you’ve never really experienced it.”
I often hear this kind of reasoning. You know what?! If I wanted to sound sarcastic, I would want to say “You don’t need to stab yourself with a knife in order for you to know it can kill you.” Wisdom comes from God. You “may” probably learn from experience but you need not be the victim. : )
3. Lack of vision and conviction
Most of the time, Christians are not exactly convinced on why they can’t “partner” with someone who doesn’t share the same belief as them because they themselves don’t exactly value their Christianity. Being a Christian simply means that you’re a follower of Jesus and if that person doesn’t, how can the two of you walk together?
Some would argue that we’re being legalistic and would ask “Where is grace in the picture?”. Grace is there to enable you to say NO and it’s never a legalistic act to have the discipline to say NO to things that would endanger you later on.
Just to give you a practical picture. Imagine your future when you have kids. How should you raise them if you and your spouse don’t share the same beliefs and values? There will always be a conflict of interest and loyalty unless one of you gives in. That being said, it’s either you’ll compromise your belief or you’ll always live in conflict which is in contrast to becoming one in marriage.
If you’re single now and you’re believing that “that” person you’re attracted to will get saved, then invite him/her and WAIT for that person to have a personal conviction on his/her own BEFORE you embrace the possibility of you being together.
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