(The Misconceptions of Singleness)
Yes, I’m still NBSB after 40+ years of my life and most people don’t believe that, even some church friends. Well, I can’t blame them. Sometimes I wish I had a different answer, but this is the truth.
And it’s a truth I’ve struggled with more now that I’m at this age, because of these misconceptions about singleness:
1. You’re considered a red flag if you’re still single at this age.
This is quite disturbing for me because it feels like convictions and morals are being watered down. Of course, there are exceptions. But it’s sad to see how society has changed when it comes to what is considered “good” or “normal.”
2. You’re past your prime.
I don’t deny that I’m older but I refuse to believe that I’m past my prime. Good health nowadays isn’t dependent on age alone. Some people get sick in their 20s and pass away early. Being young is never a guarantee to someone’s usefulness. There are those who have achieved a lot while they were young and there are those who were able to create lasting impact when they were old.
I always believe in God’s sovereignty and that there is always a purpose in every season.
“I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.” – Ecc 9:11
3. You can no longer have a baby.
This connects to number two. It’s not just about age. I personally know people who married young but still don’t have children. I also know someone who got married in her 40s and now has two babies.
As I have said, being young doesn’t guarantee anything. Even when my doctor told me how healthy my uterus is and I’ve never missed a single period, this doesn’t guarantee me anything. I still believe though that I can easily get pregnant but I don’t base my faith on that. Everything is subject to God’s will and purpose.
Just look at the examples of the women in the bible like Sarah, Hannah, Rebekah, Rachel and Elizabeth. Not to mention, some IG influencers. 🙂
4. You have unattainable standards.
Contrary to what most people think, I actually only have two non-negotiables.
First and foremost, he must truly have a heart for God and His people. I don’t want to say “Christian” because that word has been misused and misunderstood. If I didn’t have this, I would probably have been married by now but marriage is not our sole purpose on this earth. (*Maybe another blog for this.)
Second is something only God and I know. The rest really are all just good-to-haves. 🙂
They’re not unrealistic standards. I have friends my age who feel the same way. Well, we’ve agreed that maybe we’re just not really approachable which leads to the next misconception.
5. You’re on a high horse.
Meaning, you look arrogant, self-righteous, or superior especially toward men. I must admit, I might come across that way but all I can say is that only God truly knows what’s in my heart. I don’t really want to elaborate or justify this but I honestly sometimes get hurt when people say you’re just really so “maldita”. Now, let me ask you “Are all married women so good and kind?” Not really. In fact, some of the most “tigress” women I know are married and some of the most gentle, most caring and most loving women I know are singles. Well, maybe because they don’t have marital problems to deal with. 🙂
There are many misconceptions about singles in midlife. Sometimes it hurts to think about how society views us. It can feel like you’ve done something wrong just for being single, like you’re less mature because you’ve never had a relationship or a child.
Yes, some lessons are best learned through experience. But there are also lessons you can see more clearly when you’re outside the frame.
Will I ever come to that point where I get to learn by experience?
Well, that remains a mystery for now.
“There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand:
the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a young woman.”
– Proverbs 30:18–19
For part 1, here’s the link https://www.wonderwithweb.com/nbsb-confessions/
There might be a part 3 🙂
Leave a Reply